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But what they can’t see: Val, 22, got engaged nine months ago to her boyfriend of two years.

She never made a post about the proposal — and she doesn’t plan to.

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Val is one of a growing number of young adults from Generation Z, the cohort from age 28 down to teenagers, who are opting for “quiet relationships,� in which their love lives — the good and the bad —remain offline and out of view from a larger audience of friends and family.
It’s a new turn back to the old way of doing things: date nights without selfies, small weddings without public photo galleries and conflict without a procession of passive-aggressive posts. On platforms such as TikTok, creators declaring this preference for “quiet� or “private� relationships rake in thousands of views, and on Pinterest, searches for “city hall elopement� surged over 190% from 2023 to 2024.

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Gen Z’s turn toward privacy partly stems from a growing discomfort with how social media shapes — and distorts — romantic relationships, said Rae Weiss, a Gen Z dating coach studying for her master’s degree in psychology at Columbia University in New York City.

A couple that appears to be #relationshipgoals may flaunt their luxury vacations together, picture-perfect date nights, matching outfits and grand romantic gestures. But Gen Z has been online long enough to know it’s all just a carefully curated ruse.

“It’s no longer a secret that on social media, you’re only posting the best moments of your life, the best angles, the best pictures, the filters,� Weiss said. “Young people are becoming more aware that it can create some level of dissonance and insecurity when your relationship doesn’t look like that all the time.�

Indeed, there are messy, complicated and outright mundane moments to every relationship — but those aren’t algorithmically climbing the ranks (unless the tea is piping hot, of course). This can lead some to equate the value of their relationships with how “Instagrammable� they are, Weiss said.

Frequently broadcasting your relationship on social media has even been linked to lower levels of overall satisfaction and an anxious attachment style between partners, according to a 2023 study.

Embracing private relationships, then, is partly Gen Z’s way of rejecting the suffocating pressures of perfection and returning to the value of real-life displays of affection.

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